This is Louise!
This week’s Louise is this attachment style chart & attachment theory in general, which is on my mind a lot these days <3

Episode Eighteen —
06.21.2019

Episode Seventeen — 
06.14.2019

18.1 The Parker Palmer lines I think about often and thought about again today, which energized and soothed me in a moment that I needed it
18.2 Very clear, all of a sudden
18.3 Yeah that about sums it up

Episode Ten — Listen
06.07.2019
This week’s episode is a rebroadcast..

17.1 Our home is like a hug and I will protect it
17.2 angel Kyodo Williams’s working definition of love

Episode Sixteen — Listen
05.31.2019

16.1 She said that maybe I could be admirable without being obnoxious, that she thought I was on my way

16.2 Honest account of the day (dynamic synopsis)

16.3 “Everything tastes the same.”

Episode Fifteen — Listen
05.24.2019


15.1 Intentions for my 36th year on earth

15.2 From Becoming More Fully Human, an interview with Virginia Satir on Thinking Allowed with Dr. Jeffery Mishlove, 1998

15.3 Daughter of my late employer


Episode Fourteen — Listen
05.17.2019

14.1 I think I’m learning to relax?

Episode Thirteen — Listen
05.10.2019

13.1 Today I allowed myself to express my tenderness to others and you know what? it made everything better, more manageable, and more full of love

Episode Twelve — Listen
05.03.2019

12.1 Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

12.2 A Rilke poem to hold in your heart

12.3 William Butler Yeats said



Episode Eleven — Listen
04.26.2019

11.1 You should know first that I feel better now
11.2 I don’t care if you’re just buttering my bread, I’ll take it because it feels great to take it


Episode Ten — Listen
04.19.2019

10.1 Excerpt from Psychiatry and the Sacred by Jacob Needleman

Episode Nine — Listen
04.12.2019

9.1 I have felt repellent this week, I think I was truly repelling people, except not today, so maybe it’s lifting
9.2 Laughter is a lubricant

Episode Eight — Listen
04.05.2019

8.1 Rewatching The Door in the Floor (grief/eroticism/Kim Basinger/New England/salt)
8.2 He teared up and then I teared up


Episode Seven — Listen
03.30.2019

7.1 A good list from Core Competencies of Relational Psychoanalysis (Roy E. Barsness, editor)
7.2 Erving Polster videos tonight!
7.3 What ifs
7.4 Regarding change

Episode Six — Listen
03.23.2019

6.1 This week has been a test
6.2 An honest question

Episode Five — Listen
03.16.2019

5.1 Unscheduled time
5.2 Cradled by the day
5.3 I made an orange bundt cake today (she bakes now)
5.4 An excerpt from Trauma and Memory by Peter Levine
5.5 Another excerpt from Trauma and Memory by Peter Levine

Episode Four — Listen
03.09.2019

4.1 Is this good?
4.2 “Severe” look
4.3 The 4th floor
4.4 Rhan can’t stop thinking about Blade
Runner
4.5 I think I might be a Buddhist now?

Mark


7.4 Regarding change

I have mixed feelings about the human capacity to change. On one hand, I believe that most adult problems of the kind I will face as a future therapist are, to a large degree, changeable. Bad habits, maladaptive patterns of thought or feeling: we can’t transform these things completely, but we can help effect change in ways that at least make life more manageable for people.

On the other hand, I believe there is a critical, early period in childhood during which certain relational and temperamental patterns get set in place, and these patterns essentially never change. Not because they’re impossible to change, theoretically, but just that there aren't enough days in a single lifetime to get the job done.

Take attachment patterns, for instance. Let’s say your childhood was what it was and you never learned to securely attach in intimate relationships. I certainly believe you can learn to navigate your attachment patterns to forge healthier bonds in adulthood. But you will always have to correct against your own tendencies in this regard. You can raise your consciousness around them, and choose different ways of behaving in relationships as a result, but I don’t believe you can fundamentally change your attachment patterns, because they were set in place too early. They’re part of your basic apparatus. You will be working with, around, and against them your whole life. And that this fact is true for everyone helps relax me into compassion, both about myself and others. We’re all just children, craving each other’s love and approval, bracing ourselves against hurts that actually stopped happening a long time ago.

I heard Steven Hayes make the point that there is no such process as unlearning in human psychology. Even if the association between two stimuli is reduced to nearly zero strength, it will always be more readily re-learned under the right conditions. And this is just what I mean about change: maybe your basic patterning cannot be unlearned, but its network of associations and related behaviors can be expanded and complicated in ways that make life infinitely more satisfying. This is what therapy is so good at helping people with.

Mark