16.2 Honest account of the day (dynamic synopsis)
Tired, physically tired, second day of my period, the heaviest flow, physically exhausted from bleeding and life piling up. Then an inundation of irrelevant email to sort through, with one dishonest, activating email folded in, my ire is up, then a meeting on a subject that is activating, irrelevant, I am irritated by the disjuncture I feel between my mood and their seemingly chipper mood, I can’t hide it, I don’t believe in any of it, do they believe in any of it? I feel like no one sees me, is interested in seeing me, hearing me, the whole workplace feels hopeless and distorted, I try to do the right thing, I think I do the right thing, actually, but still go unheard, I power through my exhaustion in some other meeting I don’t need to be in, I go to lunch with my friend, I dump, I am angry, I acknowledge my need to soften, I sleepwalk through another meeting, I am mystified by this other person’s sudden gumption, is she upset with me? what is happening? I prepare myself for the difficulty ahead, I’m softening, I remember why I’m doing this, I power through one more okay meeting, I go back, I hesitate, I allow some more irrelevancy to ease us into it, I go, I go, I am soft and straightforward, I am heartened, I speak from my heart, I am soft, I am honest, I am met with softness, I am heartened, I am still so fucking tired but it’s happening and I am glad. We hug. I go to school. I have this life full of feeling and I am grateful. I am tired today.